Intimate Relationships, The Subconscious, And Generational Trauma
It was such a synchronicity to see these images pop up on my newsfeed. They speak so directly to a topic present in my life.
I am only just starting to uncover and learn about this topic. To some of you, it is probably old news. To others, it may provide a fresh perspective.
The exploration got catalysed by my experiences with a partner. Then more became uncovered in coaching sessions and therapy. Where to even begin.
For one, we can be highly developed in the art of conscious living. We may have learned so much, and live pristinely in the context of living on our own (still with friends and fam of course).
Yet when you enter an intimate relationship, that’s when the sub-conscious comes out to play. We end up having a few reactions and behaviours which are not like our usual “highest self.” We get triggered, emotional, we react without the purest of consciousness.
These are behaviours imprinted by our parents, and/or childhood experiences. This is called generational trauma. My parents are great people, I love them both dearly, for they always gave me huge love and support. And they still do. Yet ALL humans have some layers of pain, trauma, dysfunction, and unideal behaviour. Our parents are no exception. And when our parents act out their particular unideal behaviour, it imprints us (on the sub-conscious level.)
We can then grow up, mature, and learn so much about how to live the good life. Our conscious living is great. But when in an intimate relationship, those old patterns that were imprinted so long ago may re-emerge and express themselves. Why is this the case? One theory is that intimate relationships and family relationships share the trait of being a very close connection. Thus the sub-conscious mind takes up where it left off.
So what is “the inner work”? Because it is certainly called for if one wants to have a healthy and sustainable relationship. Disclaimer: I am still figuring out all that this inner work entials.
The essence, is fully seeing and understanding your sub-conscious behaviours. Particularly the un-ideal ones you do not choose.
On a surface level, you can start by noticing faults in your communication. Are you too accommodating at times? Or controlling at times? Perhaps you come away from being fully authentic, trying to be the ideal of something without stating how you truly feel. It best to always state how you truly feel, from a place of compassion. Such is authenticity and vulnerability.
This leads to the next part of the work: triggers. You may get triggered into an emotion. It is most ideal to take space to yourself, allow yourself to fully feel and express the emotion, and then come back to your partner when you are calm and clear. Then you can name what came up but without the charge, just coming from an honest heart space. No good to project your hurt emotion onto them. Go and feel it fully on your own, then come back to unpack it from a calm place.
This next one is perhaps the deepest level of the work that I know of: Repressed emotion. Either from you or your whole family lineage, on either side, there may be emotional repression. This means that emotions (rage, sadness) were present, but not fully felt and expressed healthily. It thus remained in the family and bubbled up in subtle, unhealthy ways. These behaviours imprinted us, and we enact them out now on some occasions when they are triggered. How to release them? I am yet to undergo the process fully. But I foresee working with a therapist, to unlock the memories which can then unlock that emotion in full force. Imagine yelling and screaming in a room for two hours, followed by weeping, followed by the most clear serenity. 😂. And forgiveness, and love.
So this my journey for the next bit. Unlocking the painful emotions and beliefs which surface among intimate experiences. Then Up-grading the beliefs, the feelings, and the clarity of choosing a new way of being. Accompanied by bodily techniques to bridge the conscious and unconscious mind together. Also on the agenda will be unlocking and releasing emotional suppression.
Sources and modalities I have been using include Spiral practitioners, NLP Timeline Therapy, Renegade Healers, and soon to be psychology. Inbox me for recommended contacts if you like.
Here’s to the healing journey, higher consciousness, and the good life.
The more enlightened you are, the more enlightened your children will inherently be. The greatest gift you can give your children is your own happiness.