The Realest, Toughest, Yet Greatest Lesson I’ve Learned in Years
“My nanna told me pain purifies the soul.” That is a line I heard from Daily Meds, and I never quite saw what it meant until now. I think there is a lot of truth to it.
I had to learn a painful lesson, yet it was also the most profound. Perhaps the more painful the lesson is, the more significant and transforming it can be.
My lesson basically happened by losing an intimate partner. Not just any intimate partner, but the highest level woman I had connected with in this way. The love was so perfect, so divine, a perfect fit. But what basically caused it to end, was that among some turbulence and “shit hitting the fan”, I had an ego reaction.
What do I mean here by ego reaction? I got triggered, and then reacted in anger. There was no yelling or violence. But my tone displayed my hurt, and there was denial, blaming, and projecting. I did not come from a heart space, of gentleness, compassion, consideration, and clarity. I had acted out my hurt unconsciously.
The lessons I learned:
1- You should always be completely open and calm, to receiving any of the feedback that people give you. Whether it is even or true or not, you can receive it with grace and kindness, and ask yourself, is it really true? You should never react against any feedback. You should always receive it with the highest humility.
And if something is truly integrated into your being, then hearing feedback on it, even if it’s true or false, wouldn’t cause a reaction. So reactions can be a sign post.
2- In all of your communication, with all people, come from a heart space of compassion. Be kind, considerate, and gentle, in every interaction. Even if you are hurt, or triggered, you can communicate that from a heart space. Name that you are triggered, and say what feeling came up. But don’t project out and act out that pain unto them, making it their pain. You can name what came up for you, from the utmost compassionate and kindest place. Perhaps take time to let the trigger calm down, so that your tone, energy, and every phrase, can be firmly rooted in truth and love.
3- If you do get triggered by something, ask what about it even triggered you in the first place. Perhaps there are some hidden wounds that got shown: some kind of self-limiting belief, a past trauma, a habitual pattern of reaction to a certain stimuli. Uncover the root of your trigger and the past trauma that came along with it. This is the real work. I admit that I must still have work to do in this area, so I have reached out to the right coaches and healers.
4- You can master life and be a great person, in the context of being on your own. But being in an intimate relationship is an entirely different thing. It is a different domain, a different ball park. My friend said, “Yeah, the skill transference from mastering life while single, to mastering an intimate relationship, is like 10 or 20 percent.” Haha, so it’s a big gap. I discovered that this is the area of life where I do have my blocks and traumas, so am exploring this topic with the right coaches.
Coming back to how pain purifies the soul. If this woman had forgiven me and stayed with me, I may have glazed over it and not become so aware of my wound or pattern that still needs healing. It was only through learning the lesson so harshly, so brutally, that I was REALLY able to see the significance and truth of the situation.
How/why does pain purify the soul? Because so often, it is our ego which feels pain. And when the pain is great enough, it forces us to burn away those layers of ego, so we can be healed from that pain and be free and light once again. Ultimately, the spiritual path is to burn away layer after layer of ego. In other words, it is burning away layers of hurt, past trauma, unconscious patterns, projections, identity, and attachment.
To what end? When we burn away, release, and heal all that does not serve us, what remains is a clearer vessel for true light, consciousness, cosmic energy. This creates inspired action and divine intuition, fulfilling our highest purpose here. To release the heaviness and pain from generations of human development, is what allows us to become the lightest, purest version of ourselves, which has nothing to give but love. I may not be wholey there yet, but God knows I am on my way.
Sending so much love, to each of you. Namaste.